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Jan. 14th, 2006 | 01:00 pm

Do you ever stop and listen to the ongoing dialog in your head, during situations of high anxiety and pressure? This is my official state of the union address regarding relationships. Not just the relationships that exist when you date someone, but also those of friendship and professionalism. Is there truly a way for us to know who we really like or are we just finding people to provide the validation needed to feel confident?

As I reflect back on the relationships I have been in, I begin to laugh. I use the word laugh because quite honestly, I feel like my life is the gay male version of sex and the city. Everything always starts off great. In my case, I meet people off MySpace. Some may say the internet is a bad place to meet people, but for some of us, who live in college towns with limited growth and oppurtunity in the dating realm, its a great resource. The usual methodology consists of seeing the initial picture, the city in which they live, their relationship status and sexual preference and ending with who they would like to meet. Then they get added. You may be over the top and send them a message, but you hope they will sedn you one! Then you either get a message dialogue going or you exchange screen names. This is where the fun and the drama begins.

You then talk alot over AOL or MSN messenger, only to find that miraculously you have alot in common. Isn't it funny how everyone has alot in common with everyone else over the internet. Hopefully you get their phone number and send them a sweet text message or the always popular drunk dial. Both of which are common signs that someone is too nervous to call you any other time or in any other manner. Its sweet, because you know that the intimidation they feel is nothing except for sincere and innocent. But the fun begins to dissipate when you realize that it may just be an internet relationship. Even internet friendships are hard to keep up, so could you think that an internet relationship could work. As humans though, we think that everything can work. We are inherently optimistic and hopeful. We are a species that thrives on the possibility of one thing and the opportunity to pursue another. We meet handsome and exciting people, only to find that we set ourselves up for a huge let down. Who is to say that even if I was interested in someone online, that I couldnt meet someone here and be just as interested. Then what happens to that online relationship? It dissipates.

I constantly reflect upon relationships and love and all of the confusion and absolute bullshit that comes with them. I want someone funny, confident and motivated. But wait, so do most of my friends. I want someone who will call me back and who makes time for me like I make time for them. Wait, yet again, so do all of my friends. We are all looking for mostly the same thing, we just have a hard time deciding who gets the oppurtunity to be graced with our presence. My goal this year is to open up more and embrace the lifestyle to which I have become accustomed too. You wont find me wearing drag, skin tight clothing or using the words 'honey' and 'fabulous' alot, but expect me to not judge others with a hetero mentality and appreciate the guys out there who can admit their gay. Its not easy and most guys go out of their way to make people think otherwise, but thats not impressive. Be who you are, find someone who wants you for that person and settle for nothing less than the best.

PS- Since this is my first Live Journal, thanks to Sarah, I want to make one suggestion. If you are mad about something, hear something bad or just generally irritated with someone, you at least owe it to them to let them know. So often I find that people are more comfortable just not talking to people, instead of letting them know how they have messed up or offended them. Give them a chance, you never know what the other side of the story is until you ask. Realize that its never fair to think that going out of your way to be nice and build a friendship is only rewarded with avoidance. Have a great day and week everyone! Go Ducks vs Arizona!

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from: billyboy23
date: Jan. 17th, 2006 03:24 am (UTC)

Everything will be ok Mr. Anthony Cain

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